So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
