At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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