I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize