he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
