Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think i got beer on your cat.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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