Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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