my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
