I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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