I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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