What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
