half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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