she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
