She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize