you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We left the knife in your bed.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
