my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
