yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Ladies don't puke and tell
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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