I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
