she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
