I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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