literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
