A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I smell like Dick and happiness
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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