Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
