Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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