the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
