I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
