Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
