I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
