He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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