I will die if light touches me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
