so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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