oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
