you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
