it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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