I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
