You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
