dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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