oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
