wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
