Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
