So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
