just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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