You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
