Kiss
Puke
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
