there was a trapeze. enough said
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
