I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think people are normalizing furries
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
