Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
