Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize