the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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