You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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