Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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