So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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