ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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