oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
