I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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