I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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