I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
