I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
