No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
