Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
