The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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