party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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