im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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