he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
