I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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