Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
