what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My pussy is not your playground.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
