i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It was confusing and full of hummus
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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