He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
