Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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