I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize