He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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