She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
