My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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