the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize