I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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