Whod you bang
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
