i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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