just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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