It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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