i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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