do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
