I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
