is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
