Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
