whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
