Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
