i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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