dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i think i have two assholes
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
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