I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
