I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
