Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
