He disabled his match.com account in front of me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
