I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
