Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
