i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize